Morning darkness is the socket of warmth I released overnight. Hand in the spot wakes me up daily. That and the cat face at my face. It's true we're not in love though always approaching lovemost. The letter L scratching at my backside while wishing to return to dream within that timeless moment, yes, of deciding if it's worth it to get up. Time with my sadness is the underbelly of no obligations. So this morning features one soiled grapefruit, heart coma, a laptop, the cat regurgitating because it ate too fast because I hadn't fed it and all that is the surface but really it's a reactionary mood. Here's the truth, here's the truth, here's the truth: the reactor never gets what it wants, and the sad fact of the matter and the sad fact of the matter is I don't wanna what I really wanna, lost forever to the pleasure of the game.
Come on I can't help it when I watch a movie with characters to say which one am I? Yeah, the sentence is a question.
You have a clear command of language and every sentence seems well crafted. I feel a clear sense of atmosphere though I did not leave the piece with a clear sense of content; though that very well may be my fault. I think it could be worth while for you to paint a little less or come at things from a more straight forward perspective just to see what comes out. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteWhy the explicit reiteration at the end? Unless, like the penultimate (I know that word) sentence, it's doing two things at once, I don't understand.
ReplyDeletePlaying with the grammar in the second to last sentence made me look at the last sentence differently. Could "sentence" mean both the previous statement, AND a sentence, as in...jail? Because this piece is so abstracted, it took me several reads to get a clear picture in my head. But certainly, this narrators "sentence" seems to be nothing more than a question: to do or not to do? To get up or not to get up?
If this double-meaning was intentional, the "word games" played earlier should reflect the same notions, I think. I 't understand "here's the truth" getting larger and larger, as if it is approaching, but this is a big stylistic decision to make and may detract from other, more essential puzzles within your writing.
I just re-read the title and now it makes a lot more sense. Just sayin
ReplyDeletethe three getting-bigger-and-bigger "here's the truth"s actually really worked for me. i think it's their placement...they give the piece this sudden quiet moment that's quickly snatched away, it's like the gooey center of a hostess pastry. placed in the middle of everything so it's sides make more sense.
ReplyDeleteNo one has really messed with the "concrete poetry" tactic yet, and I thought your three "here's the truth" statements added a nice bit of depth to the piece. It sort of divided the body into two sections--lies and truth, or frivolous and important, whatever--and added a nice visual aspect, too.
ReplyDeleteHowever, not sure what the title and ending are doing for me.